It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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