apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
