Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
