she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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