Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age