thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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