I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
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I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
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The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.