I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.