She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
