I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
