Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
