One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
