I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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