im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
