dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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