You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm at about main and main street
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
