it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
pop tarts are not kleenex
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
A+ Viking dick
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