he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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