some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
