I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Everything about him screamed your future.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
