apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
