i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
