Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
