I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Who died my cat blue again?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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