but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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