I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
