You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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