I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
i now understand why vodka
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
