Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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