I want to have your abortion
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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