I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
