I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
