I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
