nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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