I hate your face
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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