I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
