it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream