he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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