I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.