we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
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You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
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you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.