i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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