morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
