we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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