Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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