the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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