I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
