At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize