Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
