Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
