Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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