Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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