I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
