Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize