i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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