I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
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they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
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Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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