my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
