guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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