You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
