Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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