do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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