Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
